Today is the day!
I finished my day and I called and told them I wouldn't be back tomorrow, or the next day to finish out my last 2 weeks. Too much had happened and thinking of having to drive back again was too much. I just couldn't do it.
I was done.
The nervousness I felt while making that phone call, the shredded faith I pieced back together enough to make that call and trust that eventually things would be okay again... it took everything I had in me. I cried. I cried alot. Relief tears, scared tears, will-this-work-out tears.
But you know, I had cried enough in the time I worked there - so a few more didn't matter at that point.
I contact my best friend who happened to be visiting, and asked if she had plans for tomorrow - could I spend my first day of the rest of my life with her?
She more than happily abliged. She made a space of time for me and celebrated this fresh new sense of freedom and faith I had. In myself, in God for taking care of me like He promised.
So much has happened - this is an anniversary of a few different shades but... the most prominent feeling I have is: pride. Pride and sadness over how dark of a place I was in, in order to take the leap I did.
You know something? That saying about things having to get worse in order to get better? About being pushed out of your comfort zone?
I never realized how comfortable I got, living in Hell... it's amazing what you numb yourself to in order to survive.
But I did. I survived. And now I'm thriving. Because I trusted... and because God pushed me to the point of moving. It took a lot to push me out, a lot... but it worked and I am better now for it.
All of these pent up emotions that I've been trying to process have been flowing out lately...
I'm a mess with paints and wire pokings but I am happier than I've ever been and I am going to be so sad when my Artist in Residence is over at the end of October - but this is one of my biggest thrills of this past year AND this weekend I am one of the few featured artists for the Transisitons Show being held at My Favorite Art Place, a fine art gallery in Clearwater this weekend, one of my biggest accomplishments yet! What a weekend for it to fall on.
To go from thinking nobody would care and this would all be a big mistake to having my art featured in a few different places AND to be in my first fine art gallery show - what a change in a year!
I no longer feel lost and scared and alone... I am HAPPY and I look forward to waking up each day so I can work on a new piece of wall or wearable art! To express myself and get MESSY!
I am so thankful that God has orchestrated this... for my happiness.
I am so excited to see what the next year holds!
~Elizabeth <3